Kansas City wants you to love meat.
That is to say, if you have a long weekend to spend solely devoted to a carnivore’s journey, Kansas City is ready and willing to act as evangelists for the Church of Meat. Travel with us now through seventy-two hours in a carnivore’s paradise.
Friday, 11:00 AM: The Butcher
We head from the Airport in Missouri across state lines into Kansas to head to one of the oldest Butchers in Kansas City, Bichelmeyer Meats. The surroundings are deeply industrial – stockyards and warehouses. The building is not designed for beauty but houses some of the most beautiful meat that we have laid eyes on. In a theme that will run through our visit, the highlight is the beef. The Bichelmmeyer family raises their own owns Angus herd, which graze unconfined on 3,500 acres of pasture the next town over. The butchers are expert in their cuts, aging, and storage. The result: some of the choicest commercially available meat I’ve ever laid my hands on. We buy: 2” Thick Cut Porterhouse Steaks, roughly one for every three people on the trip. We are making this insane Twice Fried Porterhouse from Bon Appetit, which takes three days to complete so we are getting a jump on it. We also bought some gorgeous short ribs because we couldn’t help ourselves.
We return to the Airbnb, drop our stuff, and season and refrigerate the steaks. So much work! We are hungry. It’s Meat O’Clock.
Friday, 1:30 PM: The Bun
Our first BBQ in the city is Gates BBQ, one of two restaurants in Kansas City that can trace their history back to the creator of Kansas City Barbecue, Henry Perry. Now it has six locations, a bevy of nostalgia-inducing decorations, and one of the finest barbecue sandwiches going. The “beef on bun” is the thing to get, with fries and a soda. The sandwich is a good introduction to Kansas City’s approach to BBQ – a sweeter hickory smoke and thick tomato-based sauce. The sweetness is balanced by a variety of things across the various restaurants, and at Gates it’s lemon juice and ground red pepper, which creates a bright, nicely spicy sandwich. The pickles and fries are exactly what you want them to be, and you head back to the AirBnB, sated momentarily.
Friday, 7:00 PM: The Gas Station BBQ
The History of Joe’s Kansas City BBQ is basically that these two guys won about fifty awards at various Barbecue Competitions and then they opened a barbecue joint inside a gas station. That information in and of itself is enough to draw a person to the restaurant, so it is a pleasant win to know that they barbecue is also excellent. The sauce has a lovely tang with some mustard and Worcestershire sauce, and every bit of the meat is cooked to juicy perfection.
The evening is accounted for by the stores of craft beers sharing space with the steaks in the fridge. Don’t forget to move the steaks over to the freezer before you break the bourbon out. Meat!
Saturday, 11:30 AM: The Railroad Restaurant
Suitably hungover, you arrive to a mall full of screaming children. Ignore them and head for Fritz’s Railroad restaurant, where freshly-syruped cherry-limeades will soothe you as a softly whirring overhead railroad system delivers food to giddy patrons. The Tomorrowland vibe of the automation is intoxicatingly fun and the well-executed diner-style burgers and fries don’t hurt either. Finish the whole thing off with a milkshake as thick as drying concrete. The whole world should be like this.
Saturday, 7:00 PM: The Classy Establishment
Dinner is in the private room at the Rieger, a 102-year-old Hotel/Distillery/Restaurant. The distillery was located on a street known as “The Wettest Block in the World,” until Prohibition shut them down in 1919. The hotel remained, and when prohibition ended they returned to making some excellent whiskey. The restaurant's vibe is flawless, as the brick and wood décor, expertly made cocktails, and use of local ingredients all flow together to create a really sterling hospitality experience.
Saturday, 10:00 PM: The Jazz Club
Enjoying the aftertaste of the Rieger’s fine whiskey on your lips, The corner of 18th and Vine tumbles out of a Dick Tracy novel, bathed in the cool neon of The Blue Room’s sign. A Low-Rise Cadillac rolls by containing two gentlemen inexplicably dressed as the Blues Brothers, sub-woofer strapped to the top of the car, blasting Tina Turner’s version of “Proud Mary,” we receive a casual nod as they pass by.
Inside, the jazz is great, the beer is cold, the crowd is happy to be there. It is really, genuinely wonderful to feel a part of the evening – so much of our life seems to be couched in fearful sarcasm, and to be in a place that seems united in a completely unironic enjoyment of the moment feels warm and joyful. People have been enjoying jazz on this block for almost a century, and as you sip on some more Rieger whiskey and take it all in it's impossible not to feel connected to all of it.
Stumble out in the early hours of Sunday to catch a ride back to the AirBnB, drunk on Jazz. Wait, that’s probably not accurate. Whatever, just go with it. Stagger over to check on the steaks in the freezer before you pass out.
Sunday, 12:00PM – The Institution
Slightly miserable but regretting nothing, make your way to Fiorella's Jack’s Stack. Feel free to be bewitched by some of the non-traditional BBQ that they offer, but the correct order is the brisket burnt ends (feel free to feel like a BBQ snob as you specify that you want ends from the juicy, fatty point of the brisket, not the tougher and dryer flat), and side dish of their baked beans, which are smoky and sweet and impossibly delicious. A fun game is to ask the waiter to describe the process of cooking the beans, by which they sit in the coals under the cooking meat, slowly catching the drippings, and see which of your companions is not audibly panting by the end of the explanation.
Sunday, 1:30PM – The Cigar Store
A quick stop at the “Best Tobacconist in Kansas City for the past 15 years running” according to the trustworthy journalists at “Cigar Monthly” Magazine, Fidel’s. (Thanks, Internet!) The shop is lovely and the shopkeeper responds enthusiastically in our search for a cigar to pair with the steaks this evening. On the way out pass a police officer and a doctor amicably discussing the Royals’ playoff chances while puffing away. Is this real life? Better, It’s Kansas City.
Sunday, 2:00 – Willy Wonka’s Beer Factory
The MVP of the weekend which has somehow thus far gone unnamed is the Boulevard Beer Company, a Kansas City mainstay that happens to feature some of the finest beer created on these fruited plains of America. There is beer on the tour, there are free beer samples at the end of the tour, and there are free drink coupons for the Factory Bar for having gone on the tour. There is a lovely view of the city and board games and a foosball table and have we mentioned how good the beer is? It’s good. So Good.
Sunday, 7:00 PM – The Coup De Grace
The Steaks are perfect, the chili cheese tater tots you’ve prepared as the salad course for the meal are warm and gooey, and the pile of Whiskey, Cigars, and Beer you’ve accumulated need to be gone before you leave tomorrow morning. There’s only one thing to be done, and you know what it is – Kansas City has certainly taught you that much.